Jun 18, 2016

Hello, CNN, I Just Fixed Seven of your Dad Jokes

CNN came up with a dad joke generator. It's cute. But due respect to dads everywhere, these jokes lack oomph. I guess that's the point of dad jokes. They're supposed to be heartwarming and inoffensive.* 

So I couldn't help a bit of mischief. There was good material to work with. Begging, I say, for some drastic rearrangement. 

Let us begin the exercise.

Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? I can't put it down.

What’s more amazing than a talking dog? A burger that walks into a bar.

To the guy who invented zero: Why is it always hot in the corner of a room?

I was up all night wondering where the sun went, but then it dawned on me. I didn't like my beard at first.

A burger walks into a bar. I'm thinking of reasons to move to Switzerland.

Why is is always hot in the corner of a room? Why can't you play poker on the the African savanna?

What's brown and sticky? A stick. That stick. That one came right out of the orange.

Bonus Round

To the guy who invented zero: I'm thinking of reasons to move to Switzerland. Thanks for nothing!


Mind you, I'm not a comedian, just someone who greatly admires comedians (both the writers and the performers) and I know all too well that comedy is the hardest literary genre to work in.

The CNN Dad Joke Generator awaits your pleasure. Go see where I got the raw material for my... remix.

And now it is time to do the dishes. See you.

*Now, let me point this out -- we live in a universe where children watch Uncle Grandpa or Rick and Morty. The media landscape carpet-bombs their tiny minds with post-modern humor so edgy it has gone full circle and become barbaric again.

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