Jun 11, 2014

Where's Your Occam's Razor Now?

My fellow orange-pickers had all turned into shrimps.

Yes, man and woman-sized shrimps in aprons and hats and torn dungarees, going about the business of picking oranges from indifferent trees.

And I wanted to scream.

But I was a shrimp myself. I had no vocal tract!

Photo by Andy Reynolds

Fun facts about the shrimp:

1. It has six abdominal segments.
2. It possesses genitalia.
3. It worships the unknown sea god Glalbolagis the Unheard-of.
4. It has segmentary endopods that attach laterally to the masticatory part of the mandible.
5. But no vocal tract.
6. A shrimp will eat anything, even plastic or giraffes.
7. Most of what we know about the shrimp is codified in Dungeons & Dragons, 3rd Edition.
8. Americans eat around three and a half ounces of seafood per week.
9. The shrimp may have claws. Approach carefully and always proffer a suitable gift in the first instance.

On takepart.com, author Richard Connif writes:

"Depending on their weaponry, different mantis shrimp species get classified as either “smashers” or “spearers.” The smashers have hammer-tipped claws. They strike with a force of 1500 Newtons, about 335 pounds. 

"To put that in perspective, it takes only a little more force—1900 Newtons—for a human karate punch to split a concrete slab an inch-and-a-half thick. More to the point, the hammer can smash open a clam shell or a snail. Some hammer-type mantis shrimp are aggressive enough that if you put one in a standard fish tank, it will burst through the glass (and possibly come hunt you down)."

A hit with the ladies, that mantis shrimp. Make sure you always hire a couple to liven up your dinner party or brunch at the Hilton.

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