Jun 20, 2014

3 Snapshots in the Life of an Underground Sandwich Artist

1

The moment that preceded my knocking on grandma’s door was fraught with tension. An abnormally monochrome beetle watched my every move from its sentry post beside the gilded doorknob, guarding it with the same clouded eagerness as Persephone's when she grips the pomegranate. Persephone a redhead — the beetle agreed that was ridiculous.

2

So I packed my bags and got on a train to Salzburg, where I planned to dig up Mozart’s bones and do unspeakable things to them. Also see my Austrian grandmother whom I have not visited for years. She would like to hear of my exploits in the Finnish Mafia.

3

As a child I wanted to become a matador, but broken bones and a face built for psychological violence led me to join the secret police. Nobody really said or did anything; one day I woke up and my induction was complete. My first partner was Frank, a sadistic vegetarian.

Only a sadistic vegetarian would drive a thing like this.

The Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood were a group of English painters who liked redheads very much. Evidence below:

Exhibit A: Dante Gabriel Rossetti

Exhibit B - Sophie Gengembre Anderson

Exhibit C - this is what happens when you leave a fish and a corn cob alone in a room.
You can take my word for it or you can read up on Ulisse Aldrovandi.

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