Apr 18, 2014

What Does the Grump of Grumpforest Truly Desire?

The monster wanted a balloon.
“Bring me a balloon,” said the monster to Barry, “and I will prove to you the Earth is flat.”
“And you promise not to eat me after?” asked little Barry.
“You watch too many movies, kid,” said the monster.

Map by Orlando Ferguson, 1893, via Wikipedia

The text on the map reads:

MAP OF THE
SQUARE AND STATIONARY EARTH.
BY PROF. ORLANDO FERGUSON,
HOT SPRINGS, SOUTH DAKOTA.

Four Hundred Passages in the Bible that Condemns the Globe Theory, or the Flying Earth, 
and None Sustain It.

This Map is the Bible Map of the World.
Copyright by Orlando Ferguson, 1893.

The four corner angels each have the note: "Four Angels standing on the Four Corners of the Earth—Rev. 7: 1."

The Orlando Ferguson medallion note reads
PROF. ORLANDO FERGUSON,
HOT SPRINGS, S. DAKOTA.

The Globe Earth medallion note reads
These men are flying on the globe at a rate of 65,000 miles per hour around the sun, and 1,042 miles per hour around the center of the earth (in their minds). Think of that speed!

The footnote on the left reads

SCRIPTURE THAT CONDEMNS THE GLOBE THEORY
     
And his hands were steady until the going down of the sun—Ex. 17: 12. 
And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed.—Joshua 10: 12–13. 
The world also shall be stable that it not be moved.—Chron. 16: 30. 
To him that stretched out the earth, and made great lights (not worlds).—Ps. 136: 6–7. 
The sun shall be darkened in his going forth.—Isaiah 12: 10. 
The four corners of the Earth.—Isaiah 11: 12. 
The whole earth is at rest.—Isaiah 14: 7. 
The prophecy concerning the globe theory.—Isaiah: 29th chapter. 
Woe to the rebellious children, sayeth the Lord, that take counsel, but not of me.—Isaiah 30: 1. 
So the sun returned ten degrees.—Isaiah 38: 8–9. 
It is he that sitteth upon the circle of the earth.—Isaiah 40: 22. 
He that spreads forth the earth.—Isaiah 52: 5. 
That spreadeth abroad the earth by myself.—Isaiah 54: 24. 
My hand also hath laid the foundation of the earth.—Isaiah 58: 13. 
Thus sayeth the Lord, which giveth the sun for a light by day, and the moon and stars for a light by night (not worlds).—Jer. 31: 35–36. 
The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood.—Acts 2: 20.

The footnote on the right reads

Send 25 cents to the Author, Prof. Orlando Ferguson, for a book explaining this Square and Stationary Earth. It Knocks the Globe Theory Clean Out. It will Teach You How to Foretell Eclipses. It is Worth Its Weight in Gold.

via cncntrc

So... Who would this monster be? Professor Orlando Ferguson himself, who, having secretly discovered the Earth is flat, also learned that time is Ouroboros eating its own tail, and found a way to leap off his timeline and into the past, thereby prolonging his life beyond a reasonable span?

And what toll would that take on his body and psyche? 

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