Dec 30, 2013

Felix the Christmas Shark Presents: Top Picks 2013

How does one introduce Felix, the Christmas Shark? Well, he's a shark. He's fuzzy and blue.

AND I REND YOU LIMB FROM LIMB

And he holds himself in very high regard -- for a shark his size. Snout to caudal fin, he comes in at four inches. Four inches.

FOUR INCHES OF PURE CARNAGE

Anyhow, Felix swam up to me yesterday, holding his smartphone between clenched jaws, and mumbled something about a list of top things and people that he noticed in 2013. And what do you know, it was good. I don't claim to know how Felix uses a smartphone but hey, stranger things have happened.

So, grab your taser/shotgun/baseball bat, sit back and let Felix the Christmas Shark walk you through the best of 2013. -- John Magnet Bell

AWESOME BLOGNESS 2013

BEST CAREER DEVELOPMENT POST

My Overlooked Skills I Wish People Would Endorse on LinkedIn
by Jill Zero

Sample the Goodness:
"For instance, I’m fucking awesome at: (...)
11. Rearranging cube decorations to accommodate the maximum number of important documents (also known as pictures of hot celebrities)
12. Staring at PowerPoint presentations in the perfect spot to make it seem like I’m actually paying attention"

This is so perfect and shark-like. Jill knows where to focus.

BEST BLOG POST ABOUT BLOGGING

Why Rule-Breaking Is So Important
by Craig McBreen

Feel the Passion:
"What irrational, unreasonable, off the wall idea is burning away in your cranium? What can you do better than someone else? What do you really want to write about? Well, let it out."

Unless it's seal blubber. You can keep that.

BEST FREE WRITING TOOL ROUNDUP

Angela Ackerman & Becca Puglisi at Writers Helping Writers have put together this great roundup of free writing tools that you should check out. It includes:
  • A character profile questionnaire
  • A weak verb converter
  • A crutch-word "search & destroy" list
Doesn't the "search & destroy" list make your mouth water?

JOHN MAGNET BELL'S
MOST POPULAR POST in 2013

Never Been More Soberer, or, Confessions of a Professional Victim

It's about girls hugging robots and provoking the fears of elderly, uneducated men.



AWESOME RANDOMNESS 2013

BEST ARTISTIC QUASI-NUDE SHARED ON GOOGLE+

Found by Rick Wayne
Unstoppable Megaboss of Dreadful Cafe

The way I see it, the man tried to lose my friends, the road sharks, but couldn't. So the man's truck climbed up the tree and left him behind as a sacrifice. Check him out, acting all tuff like he ain't gonna get eaten alive. Haha. I almost sympathize with that poor deluded human.

BEST WTF TWITTER ACCOUNT OF THE YEAR


A few relevant tweets:

12/6 1:59 p.m. A woman grew concerned when a friend started making “funny noises” while on the phone.

12/2 1:40 a.m. A man requested that police talk to him about things in his life that are bothering him.

10/9 6:53 p.m. An attempt to check on a barking dog problem failed because the surrounding traffic was too loud.

What a wide, wonderful world we live in. I like to eat smart... but dumb, easily confused prey is a shark's meat and potatoes, you know what I'm saying?

Actually, skip the potatoes.

BEST INSPIRATIONAL TWITTER ACCOUNT OF THE YEAR

It's still @bunnybuddhism.

Each day is an opportunity to learn new ways to hop, tweets the wise bunny. Yes. This is true -- for bunnies. Sharks intuitively recognize the limitations of bunny philosophy: A) bunnies are food and B) food can philosophize all it wants, that won't stop the shark from eating it.

So each day is an opportunity to devour things.

BEST WEBCOMIC OF THE YEAR

by SAFELY ENDANGERED

AWESOME VIDEO THINGIES

BEST YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE YEAR

The Elephant's Garden, by Felix Colgrave. John Magnet Bell turned me on to it, and I like it because it's got plenty of sharp toothy action. Lots of beasties chomping, munching, crunching and horking down other beasties.



BLOOD GUTS BLOOD GAHHHHHH Sorry about that. I have collected myself. Let us proceed.

METAL COMEBACK OF THE YEAR

I like metal. The BEST metal sounds like chubby sea lions beating the crap out of each other -- just imagine, all that animal flesh colliding and shaking and all that warm red blood painting the waves.

John made me post this.
He thinks GIFs are hilarious.

This year I felt absolutely thrilled when one of my favorite bands, CARCASS (best band name in the history of forever) dropped a new studio album.



CAAAAAARCASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

BEST BOOK I READ THIS YEAR

Yup.

BEST VINTAGE PICTURE OF THE YEAR

Double yup.

ORIGAMI ARTIST OF THE YEAR

Joel Cooper. Hell yeah. I wish he'd do shark faces, though. We sharks are brilliant and sharp and sleek and awesome. We do not bother with human traits like modesty because we have no reason to. And it is so because all the modest, non-brilliant, no-sharp, non-sleek sharks are dead. We ate them.

More fascinating origami art at Cooper's website.
His method involves no cutting whatsoever. You should look at some of his WIPs.

Finally, John Magnet Bell would like to personally thank all the people who made his life more beautiful / interesting this year:

Her Strawberryness, Tall Calvin, Lord English, Ari, David Magee, Alexandre Fernandes, Antonio Macedo, Dan Swensen, Ruth Long, everyone at the Shutterworks blog, Thiago Cunha, Bill Dorman, Mario Malheiro, H.N. JamesStan Faryna, Hajra Khatoon, Eurico Taxa, Angela Ackerman, Terre Britton, Helia Saraiva, David AmerlandMandy Kilinskis, Carolyn Nicander-Mohr, Susan Utley, Jan Marshall and A.E. Tyree. Last but not least, Gimbal & Quango, the finest woggies on five continents.

HAPPY NEW YEAR
SEE YOU IN 2014


Diagonal Rainbow
by John Magnet Bell

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