Dec 4, 2013

3 Superheroes You Want on Your Side: Cross-Dressing Puritan, Super Mongol, and the Human Robot

Cross-Dressing Puritan

Cross-Dressing Puritan defends the rights of LGBT people everywhere. She champions the bearded and unbearded alike.

Powers and Abilities:

  • Whirl-Pin! A rolling-pin tornado blinds foes and carries them away to parts unknown.
  • Super-sight! Cross-Dressing Puritan sees right through you.
  • Beardmongering! Foes who would be foisted by a beard automatically grow beards.

Weakness: Intolerance.

Super Mongol

Super Mongol raids the fridges and pantries of evildoers and gives all the food to the poor. He only keeps some of the candy to himself, because this superhero business makes you hungry. Especially for candy.

Powers and Abilities:

  • Mongol Stealth! Super Mongol turns invisible within ten feet of any fridge or vending machine.
  • Battle cry! Stand back in awe as the hero roars and makes buildings collapse, or parts oceans of super-hot lava so he can get to the couch.
  • Speedmunching! Super Mongol eats candy super fast. Faster than any enemy can.

Weakness: Legumes.

Human Robot

Human Robot turns into a robot that turns into a human that turns into a robot. She punches mean asteroids in the face.

Powers and Abilities:

  • Cocoa Breath! Human Robot can bring people (and birds, and also bears) back to life through her automatic essence-of-cocoa directed venting mechanism.
  • Robot Strength! She can lift up to ten thousand tons of kittens. 
  • Origami Smarts! Human Robot can fold ideas inside other ideas and thereby become much, much smarter than anybody else, because she can stack so much more thinkstuff in her robot brain. This enables her to solve problems better and faster than most people – and most robots, obviously. 

Weakness: One Direction.

All together now
illustrations © John Magnet Bell

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