Oct 23, 2013

No Rest for the Gnome Hunter

How can you track an elf? Simple. You look at the ground. You sniff it. You taste it. If you can’t see, smell or taste anything specific, an elf has been by.

They’re a little too good at hiding. Bet that worked fine on that big driftworld they came in.

by Sascha Rinaldi

Ways to explain the decline in gnome sightings down through the ages:

1. People got bored of the same old stories. Gnomes don’t zoom around on flying saucers, like Zeta Reticulans, or build hi-tech underground bases like Reptiloids. Their bowel movements do not produce rainbows. In short, the age does not agree with them.

2. As the science of biology advanced, along with significant advances in literacy among the general population (societies with complex productive structures demand highly-skilled workers), people gradually came to realize that tiny humanoids do not spontaneously occur in nature. 

3. Nobody expects to see gnomes anymore. They only appear to those with a true heart, an electron microscope and a piece of apple pie. 

4. “Gnomes” is a generic term for a ragtag crew of intergalactic criminals dumped on Earth. Their numbers would have not constituted a viable population. While long-lived, gnomes would inevitably die out over millennia. Whether any gnomes have made it to 2013 is anybody’s guess.  

After the jump: Music for ADHD Gnomes

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