Sep 4, 2013

What's Red and Smells Like Blue? How Do I Get Out of this Chicken Suit?

Outside Paris, 1963

When I get back to my regular shape, heads will roll. How am I supposed to assassinate the German chancellor with this body? Cluck, cluck. Useless. No night vision. No opposable thumbs.

Ah, here comes the biped with its food container. Good. I'm hungry.

Shut up! Focus on the mission!

by Vaughn Shim

France and Germany signed the Élysée Treaty in 1963, putting an end to one of the longest rivalries in European history. Our protagonist would have been sent by a meta-temporal destabilization agency (MTDA) to assassinate Konrad Adenauer for shits and giggles because, if you exist outside the flow of time and you sell your services to any alien with deep enough pockets, that's the kind of thing you do.

With multiple universes at your disposal, the fate of a tiny planet in a suburban universe doesn't matter all that much. Does it?

One slight inconvenience to MTDA agents: only information can travel between universes, and calibrating embodiment is more of an art than a science. You might find yourself incarnated as a rock or a tree. As kelp. As a mote in the wind. Hazardous sort of job, isn't it? You'd think the pay and benefits are awesome. Well, no, not really.   

Imagine how this stern-faced man would react to a chicken holding a gun.

Photo by Katherine Young, original held at the Bundesarchiv.

Adenauer served as mayor of Cologne when the Nazis came to power in 1933. National Socialists ousted him and froze his bank accounts. He was forced to seek refuge in a Benedictine monastery for a whole year.

After WWII, he founded the Christian Democratic Union of Germany (CDU), of which Angela Merkel is the current leader and Chancellor of Germany. A Catholic himself, Adenauer had envisioned a party that would unite Catholics and Protestants alike.

Side note: I swear I did not get any inspiration from Poultrygeist, a film I have yet to see.

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