Jul 21, 2013

Poodle Duchess IV: The Revengening

At two in the morning, Angela Silliphant got the call she dreaded most.
Angela’s wife, Regan, spoke. “The Voice didn’t make it,” she said.
Angela sighed and rifled for Lorazepam in her nightstand drawer.
“Shit. Any signs of press?” she asked.
“Nope. Just a sleeping kid with a phone.”

via Fun Gallery

As I conceive it, The Poodle Duchess is a movie franchise revolving around the exploits of an Anglo-Swedish aristocrat, Mercy Tolentina Bielkenstierna-Cavendish, who gets turned into a poodle by a romantic rival after it becomes apparent the two ladies share an interest in the same man, investment banker and arctic explorer Johnson Johnson Kalckreuth.

So basically it's The Golden Ass

The titular character would be played by 3 different dogs over the years but voiced by the same actress ("The Voice"), who, as our prompt begins, has succumbed to a deadly cocktail of painkillers and crystal meth. Suicide? Foul play? Who knows.

Other movies in the series, in chronological order: 
  • Poodle Duchess (1989)
  • Poodle Duchess II: Ninjas on Ice (1992)
  • Poodle Duchess Presents: Steak and Kidney Pie (1993, spin-off; universally lambasted, gains cult status as VHS tapes extremely hard to obtain; no DVD edition)
  • Poodle Duchess III: Haircut and a Half (1996, huge box-office hit)
  • Poodle Duchess IV: The Revengening (1997; The Voice dies before she records all her lines)
  • Poodle Duchess V: Sniff my Butt Why Don'tcha (1998, prequel, box office bomb) 
  • Poodle Duchess: Peas and Mash and Broken Glass (2004, planned gritty reboot, stuck in development hell)

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