Jul 26, 2013

25 Ways to Reinvent Werewolves

Do you love lists? I certainly do. Literary lists, even more so. They say lists attract traffic and comments to your blog, and by "they" I mean other bloggers who make lists. Usually those lists are useful. Or inspiring. For example, they inspire you to make lists of your own.

Eh, it beats getting stabbed in the face.

Because I love lists -- and werewolves -- and I honestly think that the topic of werewolves can never be exhausted -- I give you

25 Ways to Reinvent

1. Wolves turn into humans, not the other way around.
2. Wolves turn into different wolves that turn into humans.
3. A mysterious new form of lycanthropy only affects people who play Scrabble once a month.
4. Wolves that turn into Gila monsters that turn into macaws that turn into humans -- it's complicated.
5. Men that only turn into werewolves when they're single.
6. Men and women that turn into werewolves when they experience stage fright.

Baby Werewolf
by ZombieGirl

7. Lycanthropy as a form of cancer, where each successive transformation brings you closer to death.
8. Men that turn into werewolves if they experience more than one orgasm every 24 hours.
9. Men that turn into crossdressing werewolves.
10. Lycanthropy only affects horses.
11. Lycanthropy stems from an ancient gypsy curse that you draw upon yourself when you kick an old lady's dog.
12. Lycanthropy only affects intersex people of Laotian descent.

A British Gentleman Werewolf
by Peter Kramar

13. Time-traveling werewolves from Pluto.
14. Lycanthropy only affects cloned dinosaurs.
15. Lycanthropy causes an insatiable craving for Hostess fruit pies.
16. When in werewolf form, only eating self-help gurus and life coaches will appease the pangs of hunger.
17. You only turn into a werewolf if you think you're ugly.
18. Lycanthropy proceeds from an apparently incurable fear of bees.

The Awesome Werewolf.
by Alejandro Giraldo

19. There's a drug out there that turns you into a differently-shaped werewolf, depending on how much of it you snort. An overdose doesn't kill you. No. It turns you into two werewolves. Changing back to human form is a bitch.
20. Every once in a while you turn into a winged werewolf. With cute butterfly wings. Kawaii!
21. When you turn into a werewolf you have asthma.
22. Turning into a werewolf gives you mad Photoshop skills. However, you tend to smash your Wacom tablet and your keyboard every time you sit down to work. So you have mad skills but you can't actually use them.
23. You turn into a werewolf in the presence of space aliens. So you might never know you have the lycanthrope disease if you don't happen to meet space aliens.
24. When you turn into a werewolf, it's all you can do to spend the night finger-painting.

by Andertype

25. Werewolves now rule the Earth, so every child over 12 gets turned into a werewolf. Widespread consumption of Frankfurters before they even exit the sausage factory breaks the sausage industry. Nobody wants to work anywhere but in sausage factories or slaughterhouses. World economy collapses. Time-traveling werewolves from Pluto try to avert disaster by changing the past, but that only works in a multiverse. Because multiple timelines do not exist in this particular story, our Plutonian brothers fail in their noble pursuit to save us all from the Sausage Famine of 2022. FML.

Now let VSauce educate you on a fundamental issue: should you eat yourself?

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