Apr 30, 2013

A Modest Proposal for an Indecent RPG, Part 2: Who Will You Be?


So. Last week I came out with an incomplete proposal for the kind of role-playing game I'd create. For the most part I listed a number of magical weapons you, the player, would have access to. Now I'm delving deeper. Behold, the first three character classes:


Trichomancer
Deadlier than a hairdresser with a hard-on for Vladimir Putin.

Starting weapon: Scissors
Special attack: Close shave (25% chance to decapitate)
Pet/familiar: Baboon
Fetish: Blond enemies; gains +3 damage against them
Handicap: Bald enemies; -3 damage against them
Base Health: 50
Base Mana: 100

Drag Queen / Drag King
A creature beyond Horatio's dreams, surely.

Starting weapon: Spiked purse
Special attack: Razor hat throw (25% chance of bleedout) 
Pet/familiar: Leopard
Fetish: BDSM armor grants +2 health regeneration per second
Handicap: -5 damage against Raging Homophobes and Backwater Fundies
Base Health: 80
Base Mana: 40

White Knight
Protects the innocent from his own desires... until he doesn't.

Starting weapon: Rolled-up magazine
Special attack: Burst of indignation (Stuns any enemies in a six-foot radius)
Pet/familiar: Obese goldfish
Fetish: Damsels in distress; +15 XP (experience points) from all "rescue" missions
Handicap: -10 to armor and damage against Cynics and Stark Realists
Base Health: 100
Base Mana: 25

SOMETIME NEXT WEEK: Setting. Probably. I may end up describing spells, special attacks, or back story. I am, after all, making it up as I go along. 

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