Sep 21, 2012

That Brain Parasite Is my Bestest Friend

I'd like to say I punched two producers in the face last night. Maybe just the one? Woke up in jail, which is better than a hospital, I guess.

Coming home, my furniture was gone. And my girlfriend. The dogs, too.

Wait. Is that a live lobster?

Live Lobster
By Theo A. Rosenblum

Based on a true story. (Well, not really, and the part about the lobster isn't based on anything but the existence of lobsters.)

By 'true story' I mean that time when Uwe Boll challenged Michael Bay to a punch-out. In case you've never seen anything by Uwe Boll, I recommend House of the Dead. Genius line: "This book is really old. It might help us."

When you start replacing nouns you realize just how deep that line is. Let's try a few variations:
This elephant is really old. It might help us.
This Pinto is really old. It might help us.
This thimble is really old. It might help us.
This balaclava is really old. It might help us.
This gazpacho is really old. It might help us.

See? No matter what you do, it always makes sense. Good on you, Mr. Boll. It's a shame they wouldn't let you direct that Warcraft movie.

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